the day after is always just damage control
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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