I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
