if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
