Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
