I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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