why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He passed out mid-signature
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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