a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
