my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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