the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Two words: nipple clamps
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