Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
