Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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