my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Your cock deserves a montage
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
