you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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