Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
