I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
