mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
