I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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