idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
