My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
