omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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