Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
