Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
