Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize