just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
