I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
