im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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