Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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