fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
