So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
