Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
