the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
