U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
