dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
