Quick, to the slutcave!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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