Hey man sorry I got all grabby
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
