i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
