I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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