Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
