i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
