"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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