Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
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