she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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