your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
two words...techno handjob
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
