My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
