I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
