On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize