just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Do you remember whose house we're in?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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