Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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