So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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