all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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