p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
