The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
