I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
