But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
