I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
