3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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