i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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