She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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