I am in a vortex of obligation.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize