It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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