yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
