On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Im part way to drunk.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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