the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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