Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
