Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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