Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
