turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize