i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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