Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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