how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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