They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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