What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
