Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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