Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
