When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
