i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
