You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
The best revenge is premature balding
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
