Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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