I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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