so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She's like a pop up book from hell.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
