Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
